I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
