your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
