listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
