just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
