So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
