So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
