No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
