these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
