She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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