shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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