Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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