Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
barbara walters just said penis...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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