She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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