I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
