there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
