Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just had sex bonerless
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
