google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She bit a glass in half.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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