thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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