She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
