i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
