OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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