So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
