A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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