people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
