happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
