Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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