Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
