Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
