Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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