I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize