I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
