I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
well you can't waste a boner
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
