I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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