just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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