remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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