I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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