come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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