dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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