I got her a Nickelback box set.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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