I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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