Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
