dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
