Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
