I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
