I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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