I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
