i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
