I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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