I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
