Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
