is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
