I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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