I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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