I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
