I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
