i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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