She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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