Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
