Nicole vs. Life
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
