i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize