Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
