Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
