Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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