My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
