hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
