i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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