she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
