I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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