Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
