my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
