Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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