We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
