DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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