we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
