If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
