No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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