Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
