Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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