marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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