ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize