wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
