how can u be prego again
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
