In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can't turn off my feet"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize