kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
