I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My vagina is officially offended.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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