my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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