Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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