Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
