the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
