i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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