My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize