My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
