for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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