I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
