He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
