I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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