i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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