I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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