I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
