first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
