Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
