so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Someone stole a lamp last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
