Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
