Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
