Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
