i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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