I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
