i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
