Soap is not a condiment
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
