She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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