my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
