Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
