I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
