So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
