also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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