epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
