I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
